The thought that I would replay over and over in my head when I was thinking that I couldn't take living life anymore!
This would be permanent. There would be no coming back, no do-over, no changing of the minds; it would just be over.
Would anybody care? What if they did? What if they didn't? How would I know? It would be too late to change anything...
Would it really be worth it?
Multiple times throughout my life, I had the hardest time escaping the "easy way out." I suffered a traumatic childhood, I brought misery upon myself in my 20's, and hit rock bottom in my early 30's. I kept thinking to myself that enough is enough already; when was it going to be a time that I would stop suffering and when would the universe have empathy on me, and allow me to finally be happy. Why me?
Well... Than again, why not me?
After listening to famous celebrities tell their stories, high paid motivational speakers tell their stories, billionaires tell their stories; THEY WEATHERED THE STORM. THEY NEVER GAVE UP; THEY MADE THE STATEMENT: SURE GOD; I'LL GO, AND I'LL SURVIVE... So when the windows of heaven opened up a blessing upon them, they flourished in their business, because they decided not to stop, not to throw in the towel, TO ACCEPT the challenge.
There was only one question that I had to ask myself; can I be strong enough or at least work toward building myself up to weather some storms in order to become successful?
Why not? The day that I decided that I wasn't going to give up on me, my life turned around. I took action, lost weight, studied self-help books, hell, I wrote two books, I started a business, all while battling my storm. I chose to fight it, instead of giving up; and after every WIN; my faith became stronger, my endurance for pain became more tolerable, and no matter how hard the day, I keep telling myself (because I choose nothing else) that we will not lose.
Well, I'm glad that the universe continued to throw adverse situations at me, making me fight for everything that I've ever worked for. Victimizing myself would've just meant that I wouldn't have allowed myself to gain the strength to fight for more for my life. That whatever I had, would've been the ceiling to my happiness, and that settling would've been much easier than fighting for EVERYTHING I deserve in this life.
When I look back at the times that I was thinking about commiting suicide, I was no where close to deserving success, and happiness. I had not done all of the work that I needed to do, nor had I learned all the lessons I needed to learn while going through my storms. My storms, once I decided to to stand up to them and face them head on, gave me the strength and power that I would need to endure the setbacks, and triumphs that I've experienced while growing, and developing my business. You have to build durability so that you can battle stormy weather, because when the storm settles, and it will; the sunshine will beam on you; and the key to your success will be waiting on the other side of that rainbow.